These Are My Confessions…

Hi everyone!  I have to be honest here:  I’m kind of in a blah mood today.  Honestly, things this week have been a bit off.  I was sick last week but kept running, hiking, etc until I finally crashed on Sunday.  I was sooooooo tired I slept the entire day on Monday (thank god I had off!) and then attempted to go for a run to make myself feel better, which ended in me almost passing out and having to call Andrew to pick me up.  Ugh.  Since then I’ve been feeling down, and since this blog is an accurate account of my life I feel the need to get this all out so you’re not like “Why is Kristen not happily posting about her own runs anymore?”.  Yeah.  So here we go…

usherA little Usher might help cheer me up

Confession:  I think I’ve been trying to do too much.  All of this sunlight makes me want to hike and run late at night, and living in what is basically a dorm is making me want to spend all my free time hanging out with the awesome people who live here.  I never get any down time to relax on my own and I usually don’t get enough sleep.  I’m 27 years old now, I should know better than to act like a college kid again!

Confession:  After nearly passing out after running only 1.5 miles on Monday, I am scared to lace back up and try again.  It is not fun trying to run what is normally a short distance and having your body say no.  I think I’m over my cold but I just don’t feel like trying again right now only to fail again.  Just not in the right mindset for more failure right now.  I know this is silly but we’ve all been there and it’s the worst trying to get over it.

Confession:  It’s not like I’m super pumped to go running anyways since it’s pouring outside and we are having quite the storm system settle into Seward over the next few days.  Running in the cold rain after getting over a cold does not sound like the smartest idea.  I can pay $4 to go to the gym downtown for 1 day, but we’ll see if it has to come to that.  But I do have that long run to do…

Confession:  My next half marathon is in less than 2 weeks and with my cold last weekend stopping all running plans, my longest run so far is only 8 miles.  I gave myself no wiggle room for things like illness, so now I feel like I’m screwed.  I want to go out this weekend and do 9 or 10 just to put my mind at ease, but I’m worried.  Even though all of my long runs this training cycle have gone well, there just seems to be a large difference between 8 miles and 13.1 miles.  The one bright spot in all of this is that my long runs have been so much faster than they were in the past half marathon training cycles, so that gives me hope that I can handle it if I keep my pace a bit slower.  Maybe all the hiking is helping?

Confession:  Sometimes I would rather hike than run.  Which makes me wish I was better at trail running, and that people would stop getting mauled by bears while running in Anchorage so I could be brave enough to try it (yeah, it just happened again).  I don’t know if hiking is a good cross training exercise for runners, if someone knows anything about that they should let me know so I feel better about doing it constantly.

Confession:  I’m starting to get tired of everything.  I’m just don’t feel like being brave and strong anymore, which are the two things you need while doing anything in Alaska.  Even going to work makes me tired (although 10 hour days will do that to you).  I’m in such a funk and I don’t know how to get out.  I miss my family and friends, a routine I was used to, the ability to just relax in my own apartment, being able to watch TV, and conveniences like nearby shopping and fast food.  I know things will be better when we move to Anchorage, but I’m just in a crappy mood right now.  Blah.

Confession:  I need to start looking for a permanent job/apartment in Anchorage very soon and it’s stressing me out.  The idea of going through yet another job search/move makes me want to cry.  Plus I don’t know what type of job I want (should I go back to working with kids?  Stay in an office job?) and the idea of starting something new is scary.

Confession:  I made brownies yesterday and I am eating them as I type this.  My food situation has been a mess since my birthday and I really need to stop eating cookies and start eating more carrots.  But they’re Ghirardelli and insanely yummy so I don’t feel too bad  🙂

And for my last confession:  I know I’m being a whiny mess and that everything is going to be okay, but sometimes it just feels good to vent while eating a brownie and searching for flights home to visit my family in the fall.  I think things have been going so well here all summer that I was bound to start feeling burned out, tired, and a bit homesick.  I would much rather be here in Alaska than anywhere else, but this week has been crappy so far and the storm we’re getting won’t really help put me back in a good mood.  And I’m not looking for any pity here, just the opportunity to share how I’m feeling in case other people are feeling the same way right now.  You’re not alone  🙂

So to turn things around, I’m making some goals to focus on between now and August 1st:

  • Eat at least 1 fruit and veggie a day
  • Only let myself get 1 fancy coffee drink per week at work.  My coworker and I are big enablers and can peer pressure each other into getting coffee (we have so many cute fancy coffee places in town) but I can’t afford it and neither can my waistline.  Free office coffee will have to do.
  • Do one run each week where I don’t care about time/distance.  I love running but not when it’s stressful or feels forced.
  • Go for a hike if I feel homesick.  Even the short 1 mile trail in town is pretty enough to make me feel better about everything.
  • Get more sleep.  Like seriously, a 10:00 bedtime needs to be in order.
  • Start doing workout videos in my room when I can’t run.  My internet connection is horrific but if I can download some yoga or Barre3 to do a few times a week I’m sure I’ll feel better.
  • Plan another mini-vacation with Andrew for August.  I need something fun to look forward to and a chance to get out of Seward for a few days and not have to think about work.  Maybe Homer?


Thanks for reading all of this nonsense, and hopefully next time I’m on here I’ll be feeling a bit better and have more positive running news to report!

How do you cheer yourself up when you’re feeling down/nervous/stressed?  What is the shortest long run you’ve ever done while training for a half?

21 thoughts on “These Are My Confessions…

  1. oh kristen, it’s like you were writing from my stand point two weeks ago. i was in the biggest funk, and i hated running and being outside and my job and really doing anything that wasn’t laying in bed, watching netflix with a box of mike and ike’s! thankfully, i’m coming out of that hole, and i think it’s because i was finally honest with myself in that i was expecting too much from myself and burned out. i’m a little worried about how my half marathon is going to go, but i’m going in with a goal of just having fun rather than a time goal now, so having that in mind is helping! just remember that you’ll bounce back, and just enjoy the race! 🙂

    1. This is really good advice. It’s so good to know that I’m not the only one who goes through this kind of thing. I’m glad you’re feeling better, hopefully in a few weeks we can both look back and laugh at how “silly” we were when we were sad. Good luck in your upcoming half!

  2. Shortest long run while training for a half is maybe 12 miles, but I am a nerd that way. Just relax and enjoy your half, it may not be what you were hoping for but you can do it! Brownies and other crap would be easier to ignore if it wasn’t so freaking yummy!

    Good luck on the job search!

    1. Haha I wish I could be that into training! I’m definitely not the best at getting in my longer runs. I will definitely try to enjoy the race as much as possible and hopefully I can start ignoring these brownies…

  3. oh and the bear thing…yikes! I just had my first bear on the run encounter recently. I live in southeastern Montana on a ranch and we don’t see them very often, that was only the third one I have seen on my life on the ranch, but now I run with bear spray. I don’t want to get mauled either and this bear was very curious about me. I called for my grandma to come and rescue me. Luckily the bear left me alone, but too close for comfort!

    1. Oh that is so scary! That is my biggest fear – running into a curious one. Well I guess second biggest fear after running into an angry one! I’m glad you were okay! What size bear spray do you run with, and how do you carry it? I really want to get some but my hiking can is huge!

  4. Sending you virtual hugs. As for the hiking thing- go email Kristin from Sweat Courage ( She’s an amazing triathlete who skips workouts to go hiking and camping and still wins pretty much all of her races.

    You definitely sound burnt out and like you need a break. Make yourself a priority. Be selfish, because at the end of the day you need to look out for number one-you!

    When you’re at your race in a couple of weeks the adrenaline and race atmosphere will kick you in the booty and I bet you’ll do amazing! Don’t sweat it too much, you’re a strong runner and you will have a good race despite how these last two weeks go.

    Take the job search slow, just find a few things that sound like they speak to you, and something will come your way because you’re too awesome not to snag something great.

    Oh, and I will see you in October for a race and beer and a giant hug!!!

    1. Oooh I will totally check her out! It’s good to know that hiking might help me since I just view it as pure fun. I think I am burnt out and it makes me sad. Summer is so short here, I just want to hike all the trails and run all the races! I really hope things go well at the race. I may need to leave my watch at home or something so I don’t stress. If I tell myself I’m only there for the post-race mimosas maybe that will make me feel better? I can’t wait for this job search to be over. And I can’t wait for October!!!!

  5. Aw Kristen I completely understand. Living far from home stinks even if you have a hubby by your side. Sometimes there’s just no comfort like your siblings, parents, and childhood home around you. When I get in funks like this I constantly have to remind myself that nothing is forever and “this too shall pass”. I’m sorry your training schedule has been off due to illness, I know you can get back to it and you will be great in your race! Just keep,your chin up and your smile on and it will all work out!

    1. I loved this comment. I feel so selfish whining about living in Alaska, but it’s so complicated. I just want to lay on my parent’s couch with some Chik Fil A watching trashy TV with my mom or Flyers hockey with my dad. All things I will only be able to do once a year now 😦 I know this will pass by quickly but it sucks going through it. Knowing I’m not alone really helps so thank you for your comment!

  6. A huge life change like what you just went through is tough. My fiance and I upped and moved to Boston a few years ago, and it was crazy hard. You go through periods where everything is awesome and you love your new life and you’re running around doing all the fun things, and then suddenly it hits you that your life is totally different–your friends and family and everything you knew aren’t around and you feel so homesick. I know I went through several waves of up and down before I really felt like Boston was home. Give it time. Take care of yourself. Never feel bad or guilty that you’re not running–you’re still living an incredibly active lifestyle! Things will equalize eventually. Just take it one day at a time.

    1. Omg. Your comment literally just made me cry. I feel like this is why I blog – to know that there are other people out there who feel the same way I do and that I’m not alone. I’ve never moved so far away and I had no idea it would be so hard. But yeah, my entire life is different and even though I thought I was okay with it I’m clearly not adjusted yet. I can’t wait until I move to Anchorage and it starts feeling like home. Hopefully I’ll get out of this funk soon. But thank you so much for your comment!

  7. 1. you are awesome – no one feel strong and brave all the time.. venting &brownies are an essential part of life!
    2. I’m just getting over a cold too, and it made running HORRIBLE. Even the day after my run I was coughing 3x as much as the day before. .I thought it was gone, but no. Hang in there, it will go away!!
    3. Trail running is awesome. It’s one of my favorite things to do!! It’s def. a good way to cross train and get your head cleared… somehow the woods always clears my head, or at least makes me feel comforted.
    4. Hopefully you can start to look at the the upcoming move as something to look forward! That;s what I do when I’m feeling down/nervous/stressed, I try to find every little tiny good thing about the situation and focus on those. Already I can tell Anchorage might help you feel more at home in your apt, get back into your routine and such. It’s totally ok to feel blah, but don’t forget about the sunshine on the other side of the clouds : ) : ) : )

    1. Ugh I had no idea running while sick would kill me like that. And I want to trail run so bad!!! I hate bears for scaring me so much! And as far as things to look forward to in Anchorage – we will have nearby stores, cable TV, and our own comfy bed! Yay!

  8. BIG BIG hugs from Texas!!! I can relate to many of your feelings right now. Life has been a bit funky for a few weeks (many more) now and I can not seem to get out of the rut! I do like the ideas you have for some short term goals! I hope that they help you! For last half, my longest run was 10 miles, but only 8 of them were at goal pace. It sounds like you have been active despite being sick, and with all the hiking I am sure you will be fine. Maybe adjust the goals for the half and just have fun!
    Some things that help me are getting some new tunes, taking a personal day, refocusing on sleep and hydration, reorganizing or doing a DIY project that isn’t stressful, and keep talking it out!
    Hang in there and I hope things get better SOON!!!
    🙂 🙂

    1. Thanks so much for the comment! I love your suggestions. I really do need to focus on hydration more. I know that all the hiking is wearing me out and making me thirsty. I hope I’m able to get back out of my rut here, and I hope you can too! Life is weird sometimes, I wish we didn’t have to go through periods of feeling sad and unmotivated. I’m going to try to take this race as it comes and keep it fun.

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